unfinishedlibrary | It's a beautiful day in the village

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It's a beautiful day in the village - TAKE A LOAD OFF, LOG 1

Who: Readers and Actors
What: Beta Story Start - At the start of any particular Story, characters will be drawn to a section of the Stacks. Those inclined to resist will find themselves there anyway, through the shifts and changes inherent to the Library's structure. The Story manuscript will be laid out neatly on a side table, its pages lit by a faint aura that draws focus and beckons insistently to the Editors. Touching it will bring them into the Story.
Characters can either voluntarily touch the Story to enter it, or the Librarian will eventually sweep them in. Regardless of how long it takes them to enter, everyone will arrive at the same point in time.
When: November 14- November 27
Where: Woodhurst (UK) and the SS Radiance (in space!), 2019
Content warnings: Please tag warnings in comment headers!

In Woodhurst

It’s another Monday morning in Woodhurst, and as is often the case for the United Kingdom in the fall, it is raining. It is, all in all, a rather typical Monday morning. People shuffle off to work, dropping by the various cafes and shops for their morning caffeine. Polite (if meaningless) greetings are exchanged, vague comments about the weather are made. Heads down, trudging along, just keeping things going.

By midday, it’s clear that this Monday is a little bit… different. There are some people who seem especially cheerful and helpful. Perhaps you’ve just been served a free upsize of your morning coffee. Or a stranger held an umbrella up for you. People keep talking about the benefits of yoga? And it’s not just a bunch of people seeming to be having an especially good day and paying it forward (that would be strange enough). Some of your friends and loved ones aren’t acting like themselves, aside from being remarkably cheerful. They don’t seem to remember basic things, don’t know their normal rituals, and are generally just very off. You think one of them might have blinked sideways? Whatever it is that’s happened, it doesn’t seem right.

As for those ‘friends and loved ones’… The novices from the Interstellar Group are largely inexperienced with such a thing as covert operations. Fresh off the ship and with no frame of reference, their human disguises may have a few significant flaws.

However many fingers it is they have, they’re keen to help - perhaps a little too much so. Whatever it takes to make these human lives easier, whatever they can do to help them relax - the Group are on it! Hopefully they’ll catch on quietly.

On the IMW Group Supply Ship: Radiance

No plan survives contact with the enemy, is how the saying goes. But within the Interstellar Mindfulness & Wellness Group, the concept is usually applied to patients. Patients are, almost entirely across the board, unpredictable creatures - and while the science behind wellness is robust, there’s simply too much individual variation for a standardised approach. That being said, this particular plan seems to be going… rather more poorly than expected. It starts to break down once the word ‘kidnapping’ is brought up. It’s such an ugly word to use. The Group tries to avoid it. But in some of these cases, the humans need the Group’s own facilities! The idea was to convince the humans to follow them to a very not suspicious space capsule, or to get them to touch this particularly strange teleportation device, and they’d be on their way to recovery. However, most if not all the humans seem to be reacting… quite negatively to that. It’s almost like they don’t understand that this is for their benefit!

The ship is very nice, and perfectly designed to relax and comfort (--for the species the Group are familiar with, at least). Soothing music plays along the spaceship’s halls, which are lit in a soft violet glow. Potted plants are artfully displayed, though none of them are recognisable as any species found on Earth. For those with a sensitive nose, the flowers give off a bright, delicate scent; not unlike that of lavender and lemon myrtle. An entire stretch of glass is dedicated to the view outside, the Earth looking so serene from this distance; stars shining in the space around it.

For those Aliens aboard the mothership, maybe you’re delivering this hour’s yoga session. Maybe you’re leading a group chant or meditation. Are you perhaps talking humans into resting in the healing spa, or - for those so inclined - are you delving deeper, forming a connection, and really getting to know these humans? For the humans… well, at least the spa looks really nice, right?

[Space Spa Features:
Yoga - you’ve been herded into a room where a flexible alien encourages you to breathe deeply; holding it in your stomach and feeling your heart beat before letting it out in a big sigh. The routine is not very different to yoga on Earth, except… well, if you can’t find your proboscis, maybe that particular pose won’t work for you.
Sauna - the heat promotes circulation, but the temperature in here seems to be a little off.
Spa - you know what a spa is. Or, you thought you did. It looks like the aliens aren’t quite on the same page. Where there would normally be cucumbers, there’s a strange pink fruit. Where you’d expect water, there’s… a viscous fluid, gently rotating through a myriad of colours, that seems to soften and soothe your muscles as you soak in it.
And Others - the aliens have no shortage of remedies for what ails you! Since this is their first time experiencing humans, results may vary.]

Optional prompts (player-run):
An alien adrift, unsure what task to complete? Seek guidance from your leader.

In Woodhurst, unnerved and skeptical? Drop in at your local seedy bookshop to chat with some alien enthusiasts.

[Have a plan to drive the Story direction? Let us know, and we’ll add it to the list!

Info post can be found here.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Would you say you primarily use distractions as your coping mechanisms?" That's what it sounds like, from his description. Not super surprising, since they'd established that the thoughts might come more at night for lack of distraction.

Kaiisteron pauses, letting that sink in, for the both of them. It feels like this is something Nara'a has been feeling for a while, but has maybe struggled to admit to. "What does it feel like, to say that?" he asks gently, "To me, to yourself. Have you ever told someone that before?"

"I think so..."

He sits with the feeling, trying to name it, but it's escaping him. He's not sure what to tell himself - if anything at all. "It feels... shameful. People see me as a hero. As someone to look up to. ... And sometimes I want to tell them to shove it. That I'm no hero, I'm a murderer with good publicity. Of course I've never told anyone that before, but..."

Heroic, maybe. Killing primals is one thing. But killing Imperial soldiers is another, no matter his feelings towards the Empire itself.

"Is that how you think of yourself?" Kai doesn't wait too long for an answer to that, allowing Nara'a to ignore that question (or, more like, think on it without feeling like he has to answer the question out loud). "You haven't told people that. Is there someone you would feel comfortable voicing those feelings to?"

He waits a bit, this time giving Nara'a a bit more space for it. "I'm not telling you that you should. But I want you to picture what telling them would feel like- not their reaction. Just what it would feel like to tell that to them."

... He can feel himself start to tear up. Everything is a lot, and he's not... sure how to be this open. He looks up at Kai and blinks, shaking his head. His voice is a little scratchy. "People rely on me. They look up to me. I have to be strong for them. Even the people I'm closest to... it's not that I'm afraid they won't like me anymore. I just... don't want to put that much baggage on them."

He thinks of G'raha, offering to carry a 'satchel' for him with a worried look. He thinks of Alisaie and Alphinaud, strong but so young. He thinks of his newer friends, powerful but only just holding on. He runs through people in his head - Tataru wouldn't understand, nor would Krile. Y'shtola, Thancred, and Urianger were all... not the best at emotions. Estinien might get it, having fought for so long, but his emotional knowledge was... not the best.

"I don't... think I have anyone who I could tell that to. And it... even the idea of it feels painful. Like I'm hurting both them and myself. I don't want them to worry about me."

"Ok," Kaiisteron says gently, and he'll reach over to put the tissue box in Nara'a's reach. (They're very nice tissues, very soft.) "We don't have to sit with that too much right now. I appreciate you trying that." That's clearly something to work on, but he doesn't know if they'll have time. Ugh. This is why he agreed to do this in the first place- they do need help, even if this isn't the best way to provide that.

"Would you like to talk about your friends?" he asks after a moment, "How they support you in other ways?" He hopes they do that. ~~They better do that.~~

He takes a tissue and dabs at his eyes briefly. It's okay. He's okay. He's not... he's not in any danger, even if it really feels like he is right now. Emotional vulnerability isn't the same thing even if his body is giving the same response.

"... My friends are... amazing. Most of them are scholars in some way, formally trained in ways that I'm not. The others have their own areas of expertise, whether it be fighting or finances." And then there's him, a jack of all trades. "And through traveling I've met so many people... I try to make friends wherever I go. I find it preferable to making enemies." He chuckles weakly, trying a small smile.

He's unsure of what to even say about them. How to even explain without causing suspicion. "... Why are you doing this for me, anyway? No one... listens to things like this." The closest he's gotten is unburdening some of himself to unrelated people, but even then he had to be careful considering his status as the Warrior of Light.

"Definitely preferable," Kaiisteron agrees with a little smile, "Do you like traveling? What's your favorite thing about it?"

The question lobbed at him doesn't really surprise him- the nature of it a little bit, since he's pretty sure therapy is something people know about even though they may not have access, but apparently he's wrong. "More people do than you'd think," he says, "It's what I do- I listen, and help people talking through their problems to see if they can come up with a solution on their own, and if they can't, I help them brainstorm or offer suggestions based on what's worked for other people. I can't help everyone, but I try my best."

"I like meeting new people and seeing new places. It's... exhausting, when things inevitably turn out that I need to help fix things, but the part before that I like." Thanks, whatever being controls fate at this moment! Or no being at all.

He listens and tries to think about what that means. "... Why me, though? There's plenty of people who need help. Why are you spending time on me?"

"Inevitably? So you feel like this always happens?" That doesn't mean it always does, but feeling that way can be enough. "Can you tell me how that happens?"

"Why not you?" Kaiisteron gives him a little smile. "Ideally, we'd be able to help everyone who needs it, and we hope to get there. But for now we're trying to help who we can."

"... I don't know. I just keep getting pulled into things. And because I feel the need to help people I just... end up going along with it." He presses his face into his hands, just barely looking up at Kai.

There's so many other people that need help, though. "I know that everyone deserves help... I'm just not sure that I'd be first priority..."

"Have you tried telling anyone no?" He makes sure to keep that as non-judgemental as possible, knowing full well a lot of people feel like they can't. Nara'a definitely seems like one of those people.

Kaiisteron shakes his head. "We don't worry about things like that," he says firmly, "We don't do any games of 'who needs therapy the most.' It's not productive. What matters is we help who we can."

"If someone got in trouble because I refused to help it'd be awful for both them and my conscience." He could refuse, but there's so much at risk usually that he can't help it.

... The slight scolding makes him blink in surprise. "... I've been holding it together for near a decade. I'd be all right for a bit longer..." Then again, the fact that he's needed to...

Kai considers him, curious. "But why does it have to be you that helps them? You can't always be the only person who could help."

Yeah, that is the thing that concerns Kaiisteron most. "Maybe. But you shouldn't have had to hold it that long. And who's to say how long you'd be able to hold it in like that? I don't want you to get overcome by it, and I fear it would catch up to you eventually."

"Because... because people see me as a hero." He can't talk about the Echo or anything that might make him seem like he's not from this star, but surely this place has heroes, even if adventurers aren't really a thing. "So they turn to me. And I..."

He wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I've had to see so much. Go through so much. If it didn't break me, what will? I... I have to be strong. I have to be ready for anything. And because I am, people turn to me again and again, and I can't..."

Shite. He can't stop the tears, so he just presses his palm over his eyes. "No one wants to hear 'oh, they can't help you because they're too scared'. Not when lives are on the line so often. You can't just say 'oh... ask someone else' when you're the bloody savior of all things to them. They expect you to do it. They... they expect it, and I don't want to disappoint them. I've been a disappointment before. I'm not with those people anymore, but I still hate it." He rubs the scar over his nose, pushing his glasses out of the way.

"I just started out handing snacks to people and now people think I can save the whole place on my own. And I can't, and I know I can't, and I try to let people help. But eventually it ends up being just me and I..." Well. He usually calls on allies from other stars, but he can't say that either. "I'm always left alone. Walking to the end on my own and it's heavy and I can't put it down. ... I'm... I'm so alone in the end."

Kaiisteron will just make sure the tissue box is well within reach of Nara'a. "Sometimes when things pile up, it can be the little things that push us over the edge," he says quietly; he doesn't want to say that it will happen, because he hopes it won't, but he feels like that might be something Nara'a wants to keep in mind.

There's clearly a lot going on here, and he's not sure how much he'll be able to help- and he hates that. But he's going to try his best. "You can't please everyone," he says gently, "And I know it's a terrible feeling. But you're clearly running yourself into the ground doing this, and if it keeps up, you won't be in a position to help anyone. You have to protect your own wellbeing too, if you're going to help others."

He reaches out to grab a tissue, sniffling into it and trying to dry his eyes. “I don’t know. I just want to make sure that other people can get the help that they need. If they see that I need help then what would they even think about me? What would they imagine that I could help them with after that?”

"Have you ever been hurt in one of your fights?" Kaiisteron asks, "And afterwards, you have to been seen by a-- doctor, or healer, or something." He doesn't know what the word is in their language; it seems to vary without much rhyme or reason to him. "Do people see you as unable to help them after that?"

He can see where this is going, but he has no real way to avoid it. “Yes. And they don’t, and they tell me to rest, and sometimes I can but often I can’t.”

There’s a honk as he blows his nose again and takes a deep breath. “I don’t like resting because there’s too much to do. There’s always so much to do… and if I’m not helpful then…” Then… who is he? Other than being the Warrior of Light, he’s just an adventurer. A nobody.

"Do you feel like you have to be helping?" Kai asks. It seems that way. "You are allowed to just... exist, sometimes. We can't always be pushing ourselves to do more and more. You need rest, physical and mental."

He frowns and looks at the other as if he can't believe what he's hearing. His lips purse and he tilts his head. "Of course I have to be helping. What sort of person sits by when they can help?"

But when does he relax? It's a good question, but he's... not sure.

Kai pauses, trying to figure out how to explain. “Let’s… think about it this way,” he tries, “Say you see someone struggling to swim in the river. You’re a good swimmer and are feeling energized, so what do you do?”

He doesn’t answer for Nara’a, even though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer; he’ll wait for the response before continuing. “Now try this. Same situation, except you are not a strong swimmer. On top of that, you’ve been running for a while so you’re tired, and you didn’t eat breakfast. If you jump in to help, best case scenario, you also need to be rescued. You are in no condition to help. So… what do you do?”

He opens his mouth to answer but then closes it when the other continues. He hates this. He feels trapped, like he's getting a poor grade on a test he wasn't prepared for. "I get someone else to help." His voice is monotone and he rubs the bridge of his nose. "Because I'd just make the need for two rescues if I jumped in. And your point is that I'm jumping in when I'm unprepared."

He's not certain he enjoys 'therapy' anymore. "But when you're the only person around equipped to help, what are you supposed to do?"

The more Nara'a talks, the more Kaiisteron feels like he's missing some crucial information. "My point is that you can't do everything by yourself," he says quietly, "And that you need to take care of yourself too. You've admitted it's a lot, and that you're worried you won't be able to keep doing it all. I don't want to make you feel like what you've done isn't worth it- it is. I'm sure you've done a lot of good. I want to make sure you can keep doing that, by allowing you time to rest."

As for the question... "I don't have an answer for that. Maybe that's not really the question. Maybe... it's more about learning to step aside sometimes when that's not the case, so you can be ready to help when it is."

He's always on the move, always doing things... he's glad to do it, but it's not like he really rests. If he's not saving the world he's crafting or gathering or exploring or... a million other things. Sure, he enjoys a good drink of tea at times, but it's... difficult to stay still for more than a day or two.

"It's hard to sit still unless I'm researching something. And even then my mind isn't still. ... So what do you suppose I do, if I can't stop moving?"

Always leaping from thing to thing... he's tired, yes, but if he can outrun the exhaustion then it's fine. ... Yes?

"Well, let's talk about that." Kaiisteron certainly can't give him answers, not for what he needs, and especially if he's still holding things back. Which he clearly is. That doesn't bother him, it makes sense, but does make this a little bit harder. "Are there things you would like to do that you feel like you can't possibly make time for?"

It's a beautiful day in the village - TAKE A LOAD OFF, LOG 1

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